


Duty

by Lucy410



Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-30
Updated: 2014-07-30
Packaged: 2018-02-11 01:47:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2048658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lucy410/pseuds/Lucy410
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lost in the dark Trip tries to reach out to Malcolm</p>
            </blockquote>





	Duty

"Malcolm?" Trip groped through the dark, hands out, searching for his friend.

The pair had been exploring caves on a small moon when they had lost contact with the rest of the away team and now Trip had lost their only source of light as well.

"Mal? Lieutenant report." Trip shouted angrily. Feeling guilty for having let Malcolm out of his sight and even more so for his own incompetence Trip kept picturing the armoury officer lying helpless in a pool of his own blood. His concern for his friend was so great that Trip completely failed to notice the increasing pressure building in his left leg, injured at the same time he had lost their torch.

"Stop Commander." The English-accented voice in his ear made Trip spin round and putting out his hands he found them reassuringly full of Malcolm, a Malcolm who was leading him away backwards. "There's a drop just there," the voice was faintly amused, "one more step and you would have fallen over the edge."

"How do you know that?" Relief was touched by an aggrieved tone and Trip put up a hand to touch Malcolm's face, reassuring himself that the man was actually there.

"I've been exploring. Isn't that what we're here to do?"

"I thought you were hurt," Trip pointed out and with his fingers still on Malcolm's face he could feel when the man smiled in response.

"I'm touched by your concern Commander."

Trip shivered, the words had been almost a caress, he felt sure of it. Malcolm's face was so close to his own that he could feel the man's warm breath on his cheek and without thinking Trip leant forward, closing the small gap and pressing his lips onto Malcolm's. It had been such a long time since he had been this close to Malcolm that for a moment he was overwhelmed by the man’s presence and he stepped closer, pressing his body against the warm form in front of him.

Malcolm recoiled and Trip stepped back, aware that he'd overstepped the mark, that he'd broken the unspoken agreement that the two men had had in place since before leaving Earth, that the attraction that sparked between them should be ignored, that the last night they had spent together, would indeed be the last.

"There's nobody here Malcolm." There was a note of desperation in his voice that Trip couldn't have expunged even had he wanted to. "Nobody would know."

Malcolm's laugh was short and cold. "We're here Commander. Our uniforms are here, our rank, our responsibilities, our duties and up there," Malcolm gestured, even though he knew Trip couldn't see it, "is Enterprise."

The cold tone in Malcolm's voice shocked him. It suggested that a distance had grown up between them, perhaps one that couldn't be breached and Trip found himself thinking of another voice on Enterprise. One that filled with warmth and laughter whenever he was around, a voice that he had strongly resisted, certain that Malcolm would eventually come around to his way of thinking. He was shocked, he realised, and not for the first time by the fact that Malcolm so obviously would put duty before love.

It recalled to him a shouted conversation that they had had, shortly after coming aboard Enterprise, a conversation that had left wounds that had taken many weeks and months to heal.  
______________________________________________________________________

"How is what other people think more important than us, than what we had?" Trip had asked angrily.

"You've been drinking," Malcolm accused. "I don't want to talk to you about this."

"You've been avoiding me for long enough," Trip took a step forward. "And I want to talk about this."

"Well I don't. We made our decision on Earth, the right decision."

"Made by you." Trip accused. "I didn't want this. I love you."

"Our responsibility to Enterprise, to her crew has to come first," Malcolm had responded coolly.

"You sound just like your Father," Trip accused, wishing the words back in his mouth when he saw the shutters fall in front of Malcolm's eyes.

"This conversation is over Commander."

Even as angry and drunk as he was Trip could see how much that comment had upset Malcolm and he had gone then, back to his quarters and back to his drinking.

____________________________________________________

”I want us to be together,” Trip said desperately.

"We've talked about this," Malcolm responded gently, "last time you said you understood."

"I lied." Trip snapped. "I don't understand why we have to deny our feelings, it's not as though anyone on Enterprise is going to bat an eyelid at us."

"Why does this mean so much to you? I can't say I've noticed that you've been lonely." There was, Trip realised, no accusation in the comment, Malcolm was merely stating a fact.

"I only date to make you jealous. I guess I'm hoping that it might make you see sense."

"It hasn't."

Trip felt the exhalation of breath as Malcolm sighed and he steeled himself for the words that he knew would seal the fate of their short-lived relationship. He was grateful for just one thing. That in the pitch-blackness Malcolm would be unable to see him cry.

"I thought you'd accepted this.” Compassion for his friend and the realisation of just how much pain he was inflicting on Trip made Malcolm want to explain his reasoning as clearly as possible. “After we met, you were all I could think of. I barely remember my interview with the Captain about Enterprise my head was so full of you. That first meeting of all the senior officers I barely heard a word and I realised that I have a job to do. A duty to the crew and that I couldn't do it, couldn't tear myself in two like that. It was you or Enterprise. I couldn’t have you both"

“You chose Enterprise over me.”

“You chose Enterprise,” Malcolm murmured so quietly that Trip barely heard him.

Trip turned away, for the first time becoming aware of the pain in his leg, he found himself wishing that he had fallen through the hole in the cave's floor and then as quickly banished the thought as unworthy.

He no longer wanted to talk to Malcolm, he'd spent the past year hoping that something would change between them but Malcolm had just banished all his hopes. Feeling the tears that he had so successfully avoided for so long finally beginning to stream down his face Trip sank onto the cold rocky floor of the cave. Letting his head fall backwards Trip let the pain take over, it filled his mind and left him unsure as to why he was crying because of Malcolm's words or because of the pain.

Drifting in and out of consciousness Trip was unaware of the passing of time. He failed to notice Malcolm's unwavering efforts to communicate with Enterprise or the growing light that heralded the arrival of rescue.

"Commander?"

Trip's eyes flickered open and fastened on the concerned face that looked back into his own.

"Travis." Trip found his voice, it was shaky and barely audible but the recognition brought a smile to the young man's face.

"You're still with us. Good. I was worried." The dark eyes were searching his face, Trip realised, looking for something and the quiet glow of satisfaction told him what was sought for had been found.

"My leg," Trip exclaimed. "I must have bumped it or something. Feels odd."

Cool hands passed over his leg, gently manipulating it and when Travis looked up there was a worried expression on his face. “We need to get you back to Enterprise. Do you think you could walk with my help?”

Trip nodded and Travis moved to crouch by Trip’s left shoulder, ready to help him stand. With Travis’s face so close to his own, Trip glanced away as though that would conceal his feelings from the young man but the gentle touch of fingers on his cheek, wiping away the trail left by his tears told Trip he had been unsuccessful.

As Trip slowly stood and realised that he could bear to put a little weight on his injured leg, he turned his head and saw Malcolm standing to one side, observing in silence. There was realisation in the grey eyes and pain as well but Trip couldn’t allow himself to acknowledge the fact. Later perhaps he and Malcolm could talk, rebuild their friendship but for now, he realised, he had to concentrate on himself and on the man supporting and guiding him out of the cave.

The end


End file.
